Do We Really Have an Issue with Interracial Dating? Let’s Keep It Real.

Let’s be honest—when we see someone from our race dating outside of it, why does it sometimes stir up emotions? Is it really about race, or does something deeper play into how we feel? For example, imagine Elroy Jenkins (black man) strolling down the street holding hands with Lou Mae (white woman). Now, Elroy is known to be flaky, unmotivated, and a man of a hundred and one schemes. When we see Elroy with Lou Mae, do we feel that usual pang of "he left us for a white woman"? Probably not. Instead, we’re more likely to think, *"She can have him!"* 

So, do we actually have an issue with Black men or women dating outside their race? Or is it only an issue when it involves someone we consider *desirable*—someone who checks all the boxes for what we think makes a great partner? Let’s face it: when Lou Mae takes off with broke, scheming Elroy, we don’t care. Good riddance, right? The truth is, Black-on-Black dating feels important to us only when it involves someone we value as a worthy match.

Black Love and the Bigger Picture 

 We’ve all heard about the importance of Black love and how Black relationships strengthen the Black community. And yes, there’s truth to that. We should strive to become healthier, more united versions of our predecessor. We should work together to create opportunities and uplift one another. But here’s the question: does dating or marrying outside of our race truly diminish the value of our contribution to the community? 

 Of course, there are those within our community who date outside of their race because of internalized hatred for their features or stereotypes. These individuals have deeper issues that have nothing to do with love and everything to do with self-perception. Let’s leave those folks on the bench for now because their choices stem from dysfunction, not connection.

The Nerdy Guys We Overlook

 Now, let’s talk about another dynamic: the so-called "nerdy" Black men. You know, the ones who are labeled geeky, a little short, lacking charisma, or maybe not “manly” enough by certain standards. These guys often get overlooked by some (not all) Black women, who are instead searching for that CEO, six-figure-earning, magazine-cover guy who *also* claims to "love God." 

 But wait—what does "God-fearing" even mean these days? Let’s sit with that for a moment. People throw it around loosely, but are they all referring to the same God? Something to think about. Meanwhile, the glossy dream guy often dazzles on the surface, but does he come with a solid foundation? Or is he just dazzling enough for a temporary guest role in your life? 

 On the other hand, nerdy Ned may not have the flash, but he’s solid and steady. And yet, when nerdy Ned dates outside the race, do Black women care? Most of the time, the answer is no. But when someone like potential Philip—successful, attractive, and confident—steps out with his white girlfriend or fiancé, suddenly the vibe changes. That careless attitude flips to one of disappointment: *“Why couldn’t he find someone within his race?”* And then you hear the classic line: *“They’re always taking the good ones!”* 

 Love Beyond Labels

 Let’s face it: Black people are vibrant, intelligent, beautiful, and resilient. We are a race full of incredible qualities that could fill volumes. But not everyone’s love story will look the same. True connection isn’t about skin color—it’s about alignment with the Creator of the universe, Jesus, and finding the person He designed just for you. 

 Maybe your person doesn’t fit the physical mold you imagined. They might be shorter, or less polished, but they’ll have a heart that loves you deeply. A love that stands by you in life’s toughest moments. At the end of the day, many of the things we chase are just vanity. 

So, love the one God created for you—not the one you created in your mind. Whether they’re Black, white, or anything in between, the true blessing is in finding a partner whose love transcends appearances and uplifts your soul.