When a relationship goes astray, we are held with the curious pieces of what happened or I could have done something differently to have a better outcome. The end of a relationship can be a devastating feeling for people that gave their all. We tend to poll our friends and family with the never-ending questions. We seek out any sources that can help us make sense of the whole debacle. Trolling the Internet for magical answers that still keeps us wondering. If we could have done it over, would we change anything? Even though we seek different answers from various places, the only person we really want to seek those types of answers is from the Ex. And, that leads to the question “What would your Ex say about you?”
That question is a hard-hitting blow to your ego. If we truly seek the answers and would like clarity, depending on how the relationship ended…speaking with the Ex would be the only person that can give you feedback that may or may not help with future relationships. This band-aid removal would be helpful to a lot of people making the same mistakes. I had to have this serious talk with myself. I used to date men that did not want a true commitment. It was frustrating because I worked hard on the relationships. As so I thought, I remember dating Andrew who was a single father. He appeared to be very interested in a relationship with me but things turned for the worst. Andrew had been divorced from his wife for at least five years when we met through a mutual friend. He was a loving devoted father to his son. I admired how caring he was, however, the devotion did not transfer when dealing with me. After a while, Andrew started doing the disappearing act and calling once in a blue moon. I was left confused and polled my friends in efforts to see what I did wrong. The situation lasted for almost a year. I prayed about it and left it at the altar. When I was able to release from the hurt and disappointment, I was able to get over Andrew and stop questioning what I did wrong. About a year went by an Andrew contacted me to have a talk. I decided to meet up with him at Starbucks. When I saw him, I knew I was completely over him…there were no mushy feelings left under the surface. Andrew said, that I was a great woman but his heart was still longing for his ex-wife. He explained that I did nothing wrong in the relationship and that I was a good hearted person that he felt bad for doing wrong. Of course, he wanted a second chance, but God had released me from that pain and I wasn’t willing to sign up for that rerun. I was content in getting closure from a question mark relationship. He was kind enough to go through my attributes and explain how he would love to be in a relationship with a person like me. I was no longer left trying to figure out what went wrong. He had the perfect opportunity to mention all the faults that I contributed in making the relationship not work. Ladies, if you’re bold enough to talk with several different people about your failed relationship, be bold enough to discuss it openly with the person that it didn’t work with. Would that person say…you were needy…annoying…selfish…boastful…rude etc. If your Ex-was speaking to people about past relationships, would he speak glowing of you or negatively.
If I encountered a former flame, they would not run the other way and dodge cars to get away from me. When I dated Abram, he was polite enough to tell me that the relationship didn’t have any sparks. Oh yes, that immediately hurt my feelings but he did not lead me on in hopes of a relationship. Abram was truly a nice guy with great qualities and most of all…honesty. I went to date Jason who at the time was working on his graduate studies. As you can tell, the relationship did not work out with Jason either. Jason was arrogant but honest. I have a common theme going here, “Honesty.” Jason and I were able to remain quasi-friends. When I dated a non-ranking person, I can be brutally honest too. Jason and I talked about the relationship and I was able to get the information out of him what I may have done wrong in the relationship. He said, “nothing, I was just not ready to be in a committed relationship with anyone. My main objective at the time was finishing school and getting a really good job.” Jason said, “There’s nothing wrong with you.” Of course, I kept thinking it was me and the relationships weren’t working out because of me. But God was helping me with disappointment. God truly knew why the relationships couldn’t work. I was destined to be spiritually connected to someone He designed for me.
Past relationship can be the key to having better relationships if we can truly face the criticisms that may arise. The best type of medicine sometimes comes from the very person or thing that delivered the pain. “What would your Ex say about you?” Be willing to explore the deeper level of unlocking a key element that may help in developing your inner self.