Have you ever watched the grammy’s or any other type of award show? The space is always filled to capacity but the seats are not solely filled with only celebrities. There is a term called seat fillers…these wonderful people randomly attend events and their main duty is to fill the seat to appear crowded. They sometimes hub knob with celebrities due to the close proximity. Seat fillers are not stationary fixtures but merely well placed bodies to create the illusions of having a crowded room. Well ladies and gentlemen, seat fillers serve a place in relationships too.
In the previous blog post, “Doing Too Much” these ladies and myself included were merely seat fillers. When we’re dating someone that is not our future spouse, we are being a “Seat Filler.” Dating with a purpose when that purpose is marriage should be done like pursuing a job. When we’re interested in a job or promotion, we do our due diligence in acquiring the right skills and selling ourselves for the position. But sometimes, even preparing for the position will not land you the job. We merely chuck it up too, this wasn’t the place for me or not at this time. The same concept can be said about “Seat Fillers.” We enter a relationship in the hopes it will lead into marriage. Some of us will stay in a relationship for years…only to be left with broken pieces.
Some relationships that pass the four year mark where people would think these individuals are slated to be married can turn out to be break-ups. My good friend Susana dated her former boyfriend for six years. They lived together and was looked as the new age “Ken and Barbie.” But even Ken and Barbie called it quits. When Quinn decided to end the relationship with Susana, I was shocked and hurt along with her. Susana was the quintessential girly girl. Her beautiful exterior was second to her queenly heart. Susana’s parents and friends were all shocked because we foreseen them going to the alter. But God…He is always in control. Even though Susana was in a long committed relationship at the time with Quinn, God knew her true mate was not Quinn. Quinn was merely a seat filler for the love of her life and now husband Ace. God allowed the relationship to go on for years. During that time, Susana was morphing into the woman that God wanted her to be for her husband. He allowed Quinn to be a fixture in Susana’s life to grow her. Yes, the break-up was hard but God made up for it with her husband and beautiful baby girl. God’s plan for our life is better than anything we could imagine.
My other best girlfriend Mary, high school sweetheart is now her husband. The oooohhhh’s and awwwwww’s can be done later because they did not get married after high school. The story of Mary and Steph took a different path. While they were high school girlfriend and boyfriend, they ended up going their separate ways. Steph was in a long term relationship for years with at the time live-in girlfriend. Mary had ex-boyfriends that were not suited for her. Even though nearly a decade went by of being away passed by them, Mary and Steph after breaking up with past partners were lead back on the road to each other. You see, God always knew they were the ones for one another. But they were not the One at the time. He allowed them to go through different life lessons and seat fillers. Because it all lead back to were He wanted them to be…with each other. It was interesting that Steph was in a long term relationship but after a year of reconciling with Mary…proposed right away. You see…when God is in it…time spent means nothing…His ultimate time is different from ours. When you’re a seat filler, the amount of years spent in a relationship does not warrant marriage. If that was the case, Steph would had proposed to ex-girlfriend. But she was merely a seat filler until his soulmate was sent back to him.
My husband was one of my closest friends before we were married. He was my confidant and side kick. My friendship with him was always from a level of genuine friends with NO intertwined funniness between us. It was hard for other peers to understand our friendship and they always questioned it. You see, God had His hands on us. If it was revealed before our growth and maturation, we may not have been able to substain a healthy relationship/marriage. Being friends really allowed us to have a solid foundation. Like some couples, their relationship is clouded by a sexual desire for one another. This aspect sometimes clouds other areas of getting to know the person. We could talk on the phone for hours on different topics. We hung out as friends.
We all have been positioned as seat fillers for someone we once dated that it didn’t work out. And, even though the relationship did not produce marriage. We should learn valuable lessons from each broken relationship. Even the painful relationships can produce fruits or great maturity.