Women are natural caregivers and nurturers. When women over in dose, the response is not well received. This may cause the men to feel too babied and mothered. Babies need to bump their heads to learn awareness. If the man is overly nurtured, it will not create a healthy relationship with their partner.
Example, Bianca is currently in an off and on relationship with boyfriend of two years. The relationship evolved from a sexual tryst. Bianca’s boyfriend Brian does not want the relationship to become public. And frequently is snappy and abrasive to Bianca when she wants to post pictures of them on social media. She tolerates his behavior hoping things will get better and tends to use the “Oh we been together for years” phrase to justify his non-committal behavior. Ladies, we must not allow ourselves to fall victim to the notion of being in a relationship for years to warrant us to stay in an unhealthy non-prospering going nowhere relationship. Men will milk the situation and feel comfortable in the behavior pattern until the right person comes along and challenges their heartstrings. Yes, only the correct person will move your heart to be challenged to do better in life. When someone truly matters in your life, you will do what’s needed to correct a situation. Bianca has settled on this relationship with Brian because she does not believe she can do better. And, that is also a trick of the mind. If she would put the same amount of value in herself than she does in her relationship, her whole life would change for the better. God can not bless you in a relationship that he did not design for you to be in. We must go through several different wildernesses on this road of life but we must also know when it’s time to pack up and leave or pitch a tent. Too many of us have pitched tents in places that should have been just a passing stop.
I had a former friend that was the Queen of “Doing Too much.” Every relationship she had since I knew her were filled with her trying to create “The One” out of men that were simply passerby’s. Let’s call her Sandra since all the names have been changed to protect the personal identity. Sandra had an ex-boyfriend that she made into her adult man-child. When she was with Rob, he couldn’t even sneeze without her running to blow his nose. ..figuratively speaking. If Rob mentioned anything, Sandra would be there will bell ringing trying to fulfill his wishes. She even booked a weekend getaway in the cabins for them. Rob was supposed to pay half of the trip but failed too. Why would he, when he had “I would do anything for a man” type of girl? Sandra made all the arrangements and paid for the entire trip even though she did not have the money to pay her upcoming bills. She rather sacrificed a piece of happiness to portray to Rob that she was the girl for him. When Rob would complain about not having money to cover his bills, Sandra was right there to pay his electric bills or whatever else bills that needed to be paid. HHHHHHMMMMM, how was Rob able to pay his bills before he met Sandra? Side note: If a man was able to fund his endeavors before you entered his life, why would he need your funds to maintain his life. Say it loud, “You’re Doing Too Much.” Sandra’s “Doing too Much” state of mind all stemmed from having low self-esteem. Ladies, when you don’t think highly of yourself, you will allow non-sense to become your designer threads. Sandra was such a classic case of a desperate woman that once we were out having lunch with her and Rob. Rob picked up the check for us which was rather nice but Sandra went into her purse and gave him twenty dollars. Puzzled, later that day I asked her why would she do that and especially in front of us. She said, “Oh I know he really didn’t have the money and was just doing it to be nice.” Straight emoji face on that one. Not only did she disrespect his manhood in front of her then girlfriends but it showed him that she wanted to wear the pants in the relationship. Needless to say, that relationship crashed and torched on fire.
Sandra went on to date Bryce who she met at church and declared once again “He was the One.” She has been scoping Bryce for some time at the church. And finally had the courage to speak to him. When the pleasant conversation was over, Sandra gave Bryce her business card with all the contact numbers/emails to reach her. Yes, I screamed inside too…”Stop waving your red flag of desperation.” Sandra was hurt because Bryce did not contact her during the week and enlisted at the time a good friend of mine who is now my husband to get a male point of view. Corey, Sandra and I were all on a three-way phone call. She explains the situation to Corey and he tried to help her see the male perspective. Corey told her that men are natural hunters and the order of things will always be the more aggressive species. So, if Bryce wanted to get to know you…he would have pursued it. Corey tried to let her down kindly and even gave her a glimmer of hope that things may work out with Bryce. Once the call ended, Corey explained to me that the relationship with Sandra and Bryce will never work. Because men can sense a desperate female and it’s unattractive. Corey said, “Men are natural hunters and females are the Gazelle.” The Gazelle never hunt the wild cats because that’s not the natural order of things. Sandra ended up dating Bryce for a brief stint. She once again fell into “Doing Too Much.” She would pay for his gas and allowed him to use her ePass which is a prepaid device to pay tolls tied with your bank account. Not only did he abuse her ePass, Bryce used it so much that her account was constantly hit with finance charges because she didn’t have the funds in account when the ePass charge came in. This relationship also went downhill and was never ended by her.
I too fell into the notion of “Doing Too Much.” I once was dating a guy named Justice. I thought if I did a lot of stuff to show I cared which is natural for me, that he would like me too. Justice was selfish and conceited. I once planned this elaborate dinner and purchased a lot of food to cook only for his to cancel last minute. I was totally bummed about it and felt foolish. I spoke to one of my best girlfriends Scotia and she is mighty blunt. I love her for this characteristic. She said, “Why are you doing all this stuff for a man that’s not your boyfriend.” You see, I was doing that…”Pick me Pick me” thing that I lost my perspective and ended up being a tool.
The lesson of these tales are, stop “Doing Too Much.” Even a shy man would pursue a woman that he finds interesting. We as woman merely have to be patient and allow God to play our matchmaker. God will order your steps as long as you give him permission to be your heavenly ruler.